Trying To Be Good

I think people, no I know people think of me as shallow. And it was never more obvious when in a recent seminar exercise, almost everybody made me sign the someone who thinks she's beautiful part. Bakit masama ba? Lakasan lang naman ng fighting spirit yan eh. :D

I think they have this idea that I'm all fluff and no substance. Maybe in a way its because of the way I act. All bubbly and talkative and all. And when I look at my friends, milya-milya na sila in life experience. Late bloomer talaga ako. I guess that's also why I have difficulty comforting someone in need. I just can't find the right words to say. All that I'm planning to say seem so inadequate and I'm afraid of saying the wrong things and making things worse. All I can do is hold their hand and I feel so useless when I think that I am not helping any.

But I'm trying to change all that. I'm starting to learn empathy even if I have no idea and can't even begin to imagine what they might be going through. I just want to be there for the people I care about.

And I want to do more for the world. I've been so blessed in my life. I just feel I have to give something back. But I feel guilty most times because I feel that I am not doing enough in that department. What have I done for the least of our brothers? What I have I done to make my own little corner of the world a little better? What have I done to pay my debt to the world and society? Sometimes I have all these grand schemes in life. Plans to make positive differences in the lives of people who need it most. But many times, the farthest I ever got are good intentions.

But good intentions aren't enough. Hence, the guilt. As if the built-in guilt all Catholics are automatically saddled with at birth isn't enough. It's all been about me long enough.

I just want to share the happiness I feel right now. Happiness inspite of all the problems and issues I am facing and yet to face. After all happiness shared is happiness doubled di ba?