The hardest part of any trip home is the one when you have to leave again. Tomorrow I get back on a plane to Sg and I'm heartbroken about it. I have to keep asking myself why I'm working so far away from my family when I really don't need to. My life was more than fine here in Pinas.
But even as I am heartsick in the present, I know that the answer lies in the future. We can better prepare for the future of my future family by working where salaries are higher and taxes lower. And my life in Sg isn't so bad. In fact it could be considered as great. But always the worry and being homesick and missing my parents and family back home casts a pall on my peace of my mind there. In the three years that I have lived in Sg, I have never considered it home. At best, its a halfway house, a rest station while we figure out what we want to do and wait for opportunities elsewhere. And to its credit, its not so bad a halfway house. But I can never fully warm up to it, you know what I mean? I always feel like an outsider there. Waiting in the wings for the first good reason to leave. Sometimes it gets so bad, I started to envy those who were laid off and had to go back to Pinas.
Hay, I am supposed to be packing right now. And its doubly hard this time since I am packing in my luggage a ton (and it certainly feels like it) of stuff in the balikbayan box my sis sent over. I bought many of them when I was in the US and now I have to cart them over to Sg. So much shipping and handling for Bath and Body Works colognes. :D
Anyway, I'm still depressed and as usual trying to rationalize my way out of it. I'm coming back here next month so I'll have that to look forward to. But actually another reason I'm dreading going back to Sg is because I'll be handling a very chaotic (which is still an understatement) project at work. A project that is guaranteed to stress me out and then some. I hope and pray that I get through it.
I can only pray to my God for strength and comfort in my sadness right now. Because nothing I do on my own seems to work.
No comments:
Post a Comment