I was thisclose to having a total breakdown a while ago. I guess I was just feeling overwhelmed. Pressure at work, pressure with the wedding expenses and no rest in sight. (Its not the preparations that making me hyperventilate. Its the thousands of pesos literally flowing like water out of our hands.)
I took the long way to the train station just to have a chance to let my inner turmoil settle. It didn't totally work but at least I no longer felt like sitting down on the sidewalk and bawling my eyes out. I tried to remember all that I've learned in yoga and Pilates about focusing and clearing the mind.
And then I did what I usually do when I'm nearing a panic attack. I rationalized my anxiety away. I think of all my problems and possible solutions towards them. Or I convince myself that my problems aren't that earth-shattering. Listing mentally all the ways that my problems could be dealt with successfully tames the monsters I thought my problems were into pesky little gnats that are easily swatted away. I then think of all the things I have going for me. That everything isn't so bad.
I have everything I need and everything else is just a bonus and as such I should be grateful. So this is the third weekend in a row I'm working and I'm slowly feeling burned out. I'm earning time off anyway and I could have my weekend any day of the week now. And after all the hard work and long hours, think of what fun I'd have thinking of all the ways to reward myself. Delayed gratification is what's it called I think.
I just have to hang on and keep my sanity together while I wait for gratification to arrive at my doorstep. I just pray that it'd be soon.
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