Last night, I had a long YM conversation with a friend. She was despondent over the loss of her latest prospect. Natakot daw kasi tinarayan nya. Pinagsabihan ko na tigilan na nya ang paninindak sa mga boylets nya because she always regrets it afterwards. She replied that its because of her insecurities. I think she feels that if she shows her mataray side early on and the guy keeps on going then serious ang guy about her. And based on her track record it hasn't worked so far. Not because no guy would take her seriously but because it doesn't work that way.
Guys (most guys) I think are just looking for something fun at the beginning and just like you are trying the yet-to-be-serious-relationship on for size. So they keep on looking for signs and signals to take the relationship further. And being a nagging bitch a few dates into the relationship signals a big red Do Not Enter sign for guys. I don't think its about deceit because hello, are you mataray to new people you just barely met? Siempre you make an effort to be nice din di ba. I really don't advocate thinking that every new guy you meet can be a prospect. It just makes you act all out of sorts. It's better to just think of him as a random new person you meet and treat him accordingly.
She told me that its always been this way. She meets a new guy, they hit it off and then a few weeks after, the guy disappears. Di na daw sya natuto. She always gets hurt. And because I advocate tough love, I told her na she will continue to get hurt. Because I believe that life is a series of a lessons to be learned (obvious ba na nagbasa ng Being Happy by Andrew Matthews :D ) and if she hasn't learned it yet, then life will continue to teach it to her until she gets the lesson. And kasi sabi nya na di na sya natuto, she is bound to continue the vicious cycle until matuto sya.
I told her that every relationship failed or successful especially the failed ones (because failure is a more effective teacher than success ever will be) has something to teach us. And if she doesn't apply the lesson to the next relationship, if she keeps doing the same things, then she's bound to get the same results.
I had a hard time finding the right words to say last night. I wanted to tell her what she needed to hear and not just what she wanted to hear. But she was so miserable I did not have the heart to really make pangaral.
She told me that she was off guys forever. And in the same breath would cry that she doesn't want to be alone for the rest of her life. I told her that alone doesn't necessarily mean lonely and a companion doesn't need to be a man. Of course, I did not think that meant anything to her because most times when we are depressed, we hear what we want to hear and disregard the rest.
She's a successful lawyer, with several degrees to her name, may sariling houses and lots na (yes plural, ganyan kayaman ang friend ko), and of course with a car. She told me that she would gladly trade all of that for someone to love her as she really is. I told her na wag nya ganyanin ang mga blessings ni Lord. Some girls would gladly exchange their problematic husbands and their troubled marriage for her uncomplicated financially blessed single life.
I told her to find her own happiness first within herself before she goes hunting for it in other people. For like the parable of the talents, God will give you more when you have made more with what you have.
I really hope that I was able to cheer her up somehow and that I gave her a fresh new perspective to consider. If only we lived near each other, I feel I could have helped her more. I hope that the next YM conversation we'll have will be about her finally finding her happiness. In whatever form God has willed it to be.
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